[Cid’s voice quickens and pinches with the emotion pumping through him.]

Because where else would I go? I go to you, even when you beat and belittle me! I return to you even when you use me and leave, like a whore! And not even a whore you’re affectionate for.

[Cid shakes his head, mostly at himself.]

Look… If I was going to abandon you, if I could abandon you, I would have done it already with how hard you make it for me.

[Cid sighs, idly feeling the shape and weight of his horns.]

But I can’t be like this forever. I can’t tolerate the abuse forever. Well. I don’t know. Maybe I can. I love you. But you have to love me as well, and you have to act like it someday. I know how pathetic that is.

[He knows that he has abused him as well. It’s a bit rich, but Barnabas started it, hadn’t he?… Hadn’t he? He can’t remember anymore. Barnabas makes him feel such fluctuating, roiling feelings. It clouds his fucking mind.]

[He clenches his jaw. A thought comes to him, one he has entertained and shooed many times over the years.]

Tell me. What would you have had me do, rather than what I did? What part did you have for me in your schemes? How should it all unfolded, ideally?